BringHerBack

 

My whole being is screaming, demanding and beseechingly rioting;

Raising boards and placards against the demeaning way I've neglected me,

Turned my whole back on self and rushed to dance for another's music,

Swirling, bouncing happily in borrowed ectasy whilst my values waste away. 

My whole being is screaming, demanding

Tired of sitting back doing nothing.

My core is on the streets of my consciousness,

Filling it up with loud thoughts and petitions to bring me back to me again;

Flashing memories when it was just me with me gliding through life hand in hand,

With no urge to please whoever,

Just me and my aspirations,

Feeding off of my own aura and persona

My being is crying for me because of me.

I stepped out into the world and got swallowed by it;

I sought friends and let their direction be my path

I sought love and scarificed myself in exchange,

My core is bleeding, tearing up from the neglect I've encased it in,

My soul is whimpering, restless from the detachment. I've lost me. 

I've traded with me in exchange for meaningless engagements and days passed wasting time,

Doing nothing and just rotting away.

My dreams cry in agony for I have buried them just when they were about to bloom. 

My spirit wails in high soprano screams for I have stopped watering it hence it withers away everyday while I close my eyes every night without at least uttering The Lord's prayer. 

I've stopped attending services and weeds grow all over my spiritual garden, impeding the salt in me that's supposed to give taste in this world, I've become so like the world my light nolonger shines but hides away in shadows of sin.

My self wails across all my levels of conciousness, resurrecting memories of who I was before I chose ignorance thinking its bliss yet in actual fact its amis.

My ego and superego have taken the back seat because I have unleashed my id and sent it running wild in mad pursuit of the passions of my youth, 

I let my self operate on the pleasure principle and now my morals cry from deep within me where I've buried them never to consult because I do what I want whenever I want.

I've lost it. 

In the name of being free and liberal, I've lost myself.

I went out into the world diving in head first with no questions asked to whatever and whoever. I've lost me.

And now my fragile shoulders are burdened with consequences and imbalances in neurotransmitters,

Guess I have exhausted my last drop of serotonin and dopamine

Simply because I wanted to be more feminine

More visible and loud.

They said "you only live once" but I chose to die every single day instead convincing myself that I was doing what was best for me but-

But I see it all now; 

I see how I've paid far a higher price yet Christ already paid it all on Calvary

I see how I've bashed and crucified myself just to be a god on this earth.

Listen;

I'm flipping the script now;

with the power that rose Him from the dead, I'm resurrecting

Rewaking in repentance and atonement

I'm heeding to the #bringherback errupting like a volcano within me.

I miss me. 

I miss the fire in me,

So fierce and consuming I paved a path for others to follow.

I miss me and I'll bring me back;

Through nights of crying myself to sleep, through breakdowns and moments lost in prayer and writing letters to God, 

Through journaled affirmations and actions of confirmation,

I'll bring me back to me.

I'll resurrect my zeal and reinstate my aspirations,

I'll define my goals and achieve my dreams.

I'll sing praises to the most High and let Him mend my pieces and heal my wounds. 

I'll read the Word and let it translate me to the language of angels and arch angels that I may relate with them and bask in the glory of their company.

I'll bring me back.

I'll reconcile me with me. 

I will protest agains peer pressure and ignorance. 

I'll proclaim healing in all my parts; physical, psychosocial, cognitive, emotional and spiritual. 

I will fight against lust and sin.

I will resist temptations.

I sill open myself up to give and recieve more love

I will find me again and bring me back to me.

#bringherback