TIRED...I look up to the hills.

Torn and battered my heart reaches out

But I have messed up so much there ain't no way out;

These blue days are becoming my truth

I ain't no saint, nowhere near being Ruth

And don't ask me who that girl in the mirror is, cause

I don't know either

I have eaten the forbidden fruit perhaps I am Eve with an Adam

falling for my deceitful lust 

I have drowned in my passions of youth 

and it feels like i am letting my prime get the worst of me, 

running full speed in the fast lane, 

now my heart is all but lame 

wishing for a defibrillator to infiltrate back current and restore my flow,

With whom can I trade all these flaws?

See I miss the days when the sun shined brighter, 

my steps bouncing and smile shining,

I miss looking at my life and understanding why

people wanted to be me

I miss having emotions and feeling genuinely

not just jokingly

But all that's left is a hole in my chest,

Darkened and rusted walls where my heart used to be

the rest of my being emanating into nothingness with every passing hour

I miss being innocent and naive

But right now I've got to liaise with these demons

all day every day

Hoping that the breaking of a new dawn will be my

breakthrough but it never is

I miss being honest, 

I miss telling the truth,

and only the truth, 

can I ever be like Mary, Sarah, Esther or Ruth?

Can I ever have the heart of God again?

I miss being trusted and I trusting

I miss my HONESTY

I miss my FAITH

I miss my ENDURANCE

I miss my INNOCENCE

I miss it. . . I miss it all

I'm dizzy from all the circles I keep following

Lord tell me, what do I do?

Speak a word and I will follow!

. . .PSALMS  121