Get out of my way

To all the boys who 'want' me, please get out of my way;

Just this once let me fall, let me crumble in my sadness and get mad

Let me be consumed by my pain and be sad, 

Just let me be miserable and lonely 

and let the boredom eat me up until I learn how to fall in love with myself before chasing after another

Just let me,

Let me hit my rock bottom and feel my heart shatter into a million pieces,

Let me breakdown and tear every part of me with tears pooling from my eyes until my vision is clouded in saltiness for my taste to be restored

Let me crash and get smashed sooo hard I learn how to mould my heart into one beautiful mozaic that will scream love and appreciation of all the amazing pieces that make me up

Just let me, 

let me patch my own wounds up on band aids of smiles, acceptance, awareness and compassion

Let me build myself up

Let me hold myself up

Let me treasure my own self before wanting it all from another, 

Let me learn to tolerate my madness and dance to its rhythm and rhyme to its tune

Let me know my buttons and have my fun turning them on and off before another explores them

Just this once, 

Let my heart break make me stronger

Let me use my pain to be bolder,

More cautious and more intentional with my attention

I want to fall, 

I want to crash and land on my back,

Feel my spine crack and all my being lay supine before my saviour

I want to be paralysed with weakness so much I run to Him who created me instead of the temporary warmth of a meaningless hold

I want to fall into an abyss scream it all out until it echoes back with a  chorus of self love and awakens the beast in me

I want to fall in this darkness until the star dust in my veins starts to glow and illuminate not just mine but the whole world

I want to let the pain consume me and make me cry out in anguish until the purpose of my existence is in engraved in my head.

Its not Love I need right now,

 right now I just want to break down and fix myself up piece by piece until I rise with that beautiful mosaic of a heart never to make the same mistakes, never to take myself for granted, never to be something worth playing with, never to beg for love, never to linger where I'm not wanted never to take anything less than what I'm worth...

Please get out of my way and let me take my L. . .

In short: if uyandifuna, don't do that. Suba weak man!

sunsetreallysucks...