I'm sorry

 

I get that I hurt your feelings and decided to end things out of the blue. I'm sorry for being selfish and honest, I'm sorry for choosing to protect you earlier rather that leading you on. 

I'm sorry for acknowledging that I'm messed up and might probably mess you up too, 

I'm really really sorry for choosing to shoulder all the blame as long as it meant you are aware of where I'm standing, 

I'm sorry for loving you enough to be brutally honest with you.

 I know it was unexpected and cut too deep but I hope you will one day understand and be thankful I did this, I hope you find some scanty gratitude towards me and heal the scar I caused.

I'm sorry Ii chose to be the bigger person

I'm sorry I did you right

I'm so sorry I didn't even beg you to try save me

But tell me this?

Was I really not worth fighting for in your eyes?

The love you proclaimed wasn't enough to accommodate my mess and shelter my honesty towards you?

Was your love, which you threw around on every phone call not enough to consider sitting me down and reassuring me? 

Was it not enough to consider holding me close and letting me break down in your arms and have you smoulder my face with kisses of reassurances and promises?

I told you I was scared and you sidestepped it and rushed to tell me you love me,

You threw all the endearing names on me as if you just couldn't wait to have someone too

You rush past it all and dived into proclaiming you love me

What did you love really?

Me or the idea of me you had in your head??

 Your love??

Was your love really so shallow that leaving me was the ultimate solution?

Did I mean that little to you that you couldn't even call to make sure I was sure of what I was saying?

I may not know a lot of things but I do know that;

 I deserve a man who will love me enough to fight for me

A man who will not be hooked on the shiny surface of my smile and beauty but will reach within my core and let his love mend my pieces from within

I deserve a man who will not want just sex but the intimacy of our minds, emotions, spirits intertwined more than that of penetration and orgasms

I deserve a man who will be there for me even when my insecurities push him away

I know I'm a wreck but I have soo much love to give,

Amid these insecurities, scars, doubts and breakdowns, I have a mesmerizing mosaic of a heart out flowing with love,

I have a lot to give, 

I have a lot of stamina to run extra miles and merge with your soul not just your physical appearance

and I too need someone who can run that mile extra for me;

I'm sorry you couldn't be that man