Keep on keeping on

There came a time when I got tired, 

Of trying

Of showing up

Of smiling

Over and over when all I got was nothing or an "almost" at the most

There came a time when it felt like my heart was nolonger beating and all adrenaline was exhausted from me,

When it felt like hope was gone and there was no fibre in me with life in it,

Cells just flaccid and dead.

 The dark times fully fledged,

 stars nolonger shinning from my sky,

The clouds had no silver lining but razors through and through;

Cutting, slicing, tearing until I was a bloody mess

There was a time when I stopped living and just existed because even mere breathing was a whole effort,

I questioned my entire existence and purpose

I questioned the meaning of anything and everything.

That time comes, when you have tried and tried until you can't no more,

When you've fallen seven times and rised up 8 

Only to fall 10 times more, 

When you've picked up your pieces so many times you can nolonger fit the puzzle because some got lost in the way

Leaving cracks and holes that nothing can fill,

There's a time when you've stitched your own wounds till the yarn ran out

I know because I've been there, 

Maybe 99 000 times

But I chose to keep going 

Because that's all i know

My whole life is a daily mandate to try over and over again 

Even though some days I try to just breathe

Still that is enough.

I tried;

To survive the days as they came,

Nasty and worse than before

But I tried still. I prayed. I cried.

I tried. 

When the was no one on my corner,

No arms to gather me and hug me tight when i fell apart,

Nothing to make me smile,

Nor hands hold mine and walk the mile.

Still I tried. 

To merely wake up

And show up

In shambles, confusion, depression and anxiety and uncertainty

I tried still. 

To find my sanity and cling tightly amid each and every Loss I got

I tried over and over

Until one day;

The sun shined brighter

And I had a bounce in my step,

The rush coursing through my veins once again

Prayers being answered and

Dreams coming true.

It happened. 

The brighter days found my address and settled in pretty damn well 

Its unbelieveable.

I kept trying and fighting

Because that's all I knew,

And 

I know you can too.

All you gotta do is keep on keeping on,

Hang in there❤

With much love

Me

Xoxoxo